My story of transformation and hope.
You probably recognize the girl in the photo holding an incredible art piece adorned with antlers ... The one on the left in gothic attire holding a fake gun is the younger me. From 14 years old (photos on left) to now, I've gone through a serious healing journey with many ups and downs. This is my account of change and hope and I am sharing it with you in hopes that you will be inspired or encouraged. Lets face it, most of us love someone or know someone struggling with depression, anxiety, addictions, or suffering from the effects of trauma. Allow me a moment of your time to encourage you, or that loved one, to prioritize your mental health. We may not be able to control the past or change it but we can lead ourselves into a more promising future.
At 14 years old, I had debilitating depression, low self-esteem, and, to be honest, didn't want to live. My mother, my two brothers, and I grew up in a two-bedroom trailer. I was struggling to take care of myself after experiencing various forms of abuse from numerous people. Eventually, I started using alcohol and other addictive substances as a way to forget about the past. I was enduring unspeakable pain and anguish that shouldn't have happened to anyone. I was actually first diagnosed with PTSD at 7 years old but for the sake of time this story will begin at 14. Unfortunately, there was still many new traumas to deal with from 14 to 27. I entered into several abusive relationships. One of them resulted in multiple phone calls to 911 because I was afraid for my life. These relationships offered me a sense of familiarity that was hard to replace with the healthy unknown. Don't worry, I broke the cycle! All of them, in fact. I am more than ok now. See this photo below? That was my first ever rustic decor piece. At the time, I lived in a one room shack with my abusive boyfriend. Not being allowed to go anywhere but the woods, I set off to find my safe place and found comfort in creating.
I was really excited about my little mirror with chunks of bark. It gave me a sense of belonging and the act of creating quieted my fears and flashbacks. In 2013, I ran away from my boyfriend chasing after me to kill me in the woods of New Hampshire. A friend of mine was having a yard sale that day 4.5 hours away from me. They dropped everything to come find me as I feared for my life. That was the day I finally said goodbye...and left with a suitcase and this mirror. That's all I had at 23 to start over with. Who would've known that mirror was going to be what gave meaning, purpose and inspiration to myself and others.
It wasn't until 2017, when my son was born that I began working on art regularly. There was a strong sense of purpose and healing I had to fulfill and I felt the nudge from God to pursue this gift. On April 12, 2019 I chose to never drink again after I hit my rock bottom drinking for the third time. I was in my very last abusive relationship. My son inspired me to get sober, fight for my life, and be the best version of me for him. I gave it all to God, the addictions, the fear, the pain, the scarcity mindset, the limited beliefs...I worked on me harder than most people work on their careers in a lifetime. This is exactly why peace of mind is way more valuable than money. If you aren't going to treat me respectfully and with kindness, I wont accept your money/ business. Healthy boundaries have kept me in alignment with being my best self. Just as important as being spoken to respectfully, It's how I choose to treat others because it's who I am.
I went from suicidal, depressed, addicted and lost to hopeful, sober, loving myself and my life, having healthy and meaningful connections and relationships. I put extensive effort into healing through art, therapy, God, and nature. All of the skills I learned to rewire my brain, create new synapses, and shift my mindset were applied daily. I challenged everything I knew and learned otherwise. I fought for my life before I had any idea what amazing things could come into fruition. Since the beginning of sobriety, I have gone on to win poetry and art awards, I've inspired many struggling people to get help and explore their creativity. Every juried art show that i've entered, I was accepted into. My business connections have evolved to include incredibly respectful and kind store owners. Moral of the story, you are not your past. You can work hard to change and overcome addictions, heal traumas, break generational curses and be successful at doing what you love. Sure it's hard work, but there are so many resources out there to help you. Please take advantage of them!
You are worthy of a beautiful life. Have grace and patience on yourself while you heal. Be the reason that future generations in your own bloodline say "that cycle stopped because of her".
Comments